Traveling with Friends: How to Avoid Disaster

A couple of years in the past, one evening over dinner with some pals with whom I shared a love of gourmand meals, sushi, nice cocktails, politics, and films, we realized that in all of the years we’d identified one another, we had by no means taken a visit collectively.

As all of us had lots of points and miles saved, we thought of how enjoyable it might be to go someplace spontaneously.

“Let’s do it,” all of us declared. So we discovered award tickets to Hong Kong for the next week.

Midway around the globe, we arrived at our resort late within the night. After a late dinner, we went again to the resort, the place I made a decision to fall asleep. As enjoyable as Hong Kong is at evening (and it is extremely wild), I needed to attempt to regulate to the native time zone, so I might benefit from the remainder of our journey.

My pals had different concepts: they had been going to celebration. So I mentioned good evening and off they went.

After I awakened, it was nonetheless darkish out. I appeared on the time. It was 5:30am. I discovered two of my pals asleep; the third was apparently nonetheless out partying.

Letting them relaxation, I acquired prepared and headed out to benefit from the metropolis earlier than the commuters rose and it grew to become a maelstrom of noise, chaos, and crowds. Hong Kong is considered one of my favorite cities, and I really like its peaceable calm within the morning. It’s all grandmothers and grandfathers out for walks, doing tai chi in parks, and consuming dim sum.

With a lot to do (and eat), I didn’t wish to waste any time. After an early breakfast of dim sum, I wandered round, grabbed some tea, learn a e-book, and took pictures of empty streets.

It was noon once I lastly heard from my pals. We met for lunch at a noodle store and plotted our day.

Earlier than we booked our journey, I had requested them what they needed to do. Understanding them, I knew it might contain fancy dinners (Hong Kong has some actually nice eating), however I emphasised that as a backpacker at coronary heart, what I actually love are hole-in-the-wall eating places, low cost actions, wandering round, and simply having fun with the day-to-day lifetime of a spot.

“No drawback,” they mentioned. They had been vacationers too, they usually additionally needed to get under the floor. The concept of dim sum, markets, and enjoyable native bars appealed to them as a lot because it did to me.

However that was not what occurred.

My pals stayed out late partying each evening, slept in late, solely needed to eat at costly eating places, and didn’t wish to do any sightseeing.

As the times ticked by, we had been like ships within the evening. Outdoors a number of dinners, I didn’t see an excessive amount of of them. However, getting used to touring alone, that was nice with me. I could make my very own enjoyable. Nevertheless it was disappointing to not have time with my pals. It defeated the aim of the journey.

On the best way again to the airport, they talked about doing all of it once more sometime. However not me. I believed to myself, “We’re by no means doing this once more.”

The journey taught me that, whereas individuals would possibly like a sure journey fashion in concept, the truth is usually very totally different. In reality, over time, I’ve traveled with many pals who’ve utterly totally different kinds than I do.

As Mark Twain mentioned, “I’ve came upon there ain’t no surer approach to discover out whether or not you want individuals or hate them than to journey with them.” I couldn’t agree extra. It’s essential to be cautious when touring with anybody, even your closest pals. It’s a really private expertise, and also you’re going to wish to ensure their fashion matches yours.

After many profitable — and never so profitable — journeys with pals (a few of whom I rely as my closest), I’ve come up an inventory of questions that I feel are essential to ask individuals (after all, your mates, however I’ve discovered this nonetheless useful):

• What actions do you wish to do?
• I like [activity]. I’ll most likely see/do a lot of this/these on our journey. Would you include me?
• How do you are feeling about [activity]?
• Are you okay doing issues alone, or do you wish to do all the things collectively?
• I don’t eat a variety of costly meals on the highway. How do you are feeling about that?
• Are you okay with consuming avenue meals?
• I wish to be out the door by 9am every morning. Do you? (Or: I’m an evening particular person. Are you okay with a late begin?)
• Do you intend to remain out late?

It’s nice if you happen to all aren’t on the identical web page, as long as you might be comfy with spending time aside. If in case you have totally different journey kinds however aren’t okay being an unbiased traveler (or vice versa), that’s going to trigger an issue. I’ve had loads of journeys with pals the place we solely overlap on some stuff, however that was not an issue. Nobody cared when any of us went off to do our personal stuff, and it gave us issues to speak about after we got here again collectively later.

The extra journeys I’ve taken with pals, the extra I’ve gotten smarter about which I take journeys with. However generally you simply by no means know forward of time. What individuals say and what they do will be two various things. They could say they wish to journey the identical means or do the identical issues — and then you definately get on the highway and it’s the alternative.

However, ever since that huge spontaneous journey with pals, I’ve discovered that asking the appropriate questions prematurely can actually cut back the probability that you simply’ll run into these sorts of conflicts.

Use my checklist — or provide you with your personal — however don’t go on a visit with a good friend who isn’t a minimum of 60% aligned along with your fashion and pursuits!